On Some Women

I am not like them
We will never be equal
I do not project my insecurities unto other people
Or validate myself with half truths and cheap men
Head up legs closed eyes open
I am better than them
Their success is their vengeance
But spite is the seed of their demise
I have been accused of being pretentious
Of which I have never denied
Because the truth remains
I am not like them
We have never been the same

Progress is not bringing better women down with you
It is improving even when everyone’s standards are low

The World

The primacy of being last
affords me a distance in the present
that presents an intimacy with your past
Which has imaged the future In a thousand shards of glass
Reflecting back through the lenses
Deflected by smoke
Imaginings reflected in
mirror images of the opposite-ness that magnetizes us
Pragmatize the madness and watch
what’s passed between our exchanges burn


Smoke curling up above my shoulder
We have only what we’ve earned
So our hearts grow colder
Yet we won’t forsake what we’ve learned.
The weight
On either side of your nape
Heavy as a boulder – wait.

Let’s let the world turn tonight.

If you can’t rest it from your back and get Us back – relax.
Let what’s had, do have, and yet to get, transact
and react when the mourning comes.

Let’s let the world burn tonight

… there’s a heat from your gaze
when you see yourself in me
as I dare not be afraid
I love you. You spread your courage like a plague
And slay cowards with it at an inkling of their hesitation
It’s not ironic
Our closeness is bred through separation


They let idle hands wander the borders of Dorian’s portrait
Where you dare share light upon shadows
I reflect back like mirrored glass to expose it
Our lenses deflect the truth of the matter
Our minds happen to presuppose it

Let’s let the world be tonight

Neither of us can hold it


Fire swallows the void between us
So never mind the coldness
We have what we’ve earned
And no illusion can revoke it


If you
See me
Seeing myself
In you
Know that:
We have tonight
Come morning
the world gets you back.


Let’s leave this world tonight.

you probably WON'T read this

…knowing it would be flawed
Even the beauty of birth leaves its scars
So indeed poverty raises them hard
Roughing the edges so even kind words leave marks

But isn’t that why?
…why we bate our breath
and wait, healing from the superficial pretence
in order to sense

that kindness - that might’ve been said in sharpness?
that lightness - disguised in false expectations of darkness?

A heart is - - - as much flawed as a mis-thought
presuming egg shell slippers would cushion souls when the frying pan’s hot
in attempt to protect, each step crushes as you listen
so now in reality its hot - you run the fuck out the kitchen

at a break neck speed, like the walls your heart erects
to store away – preserve – hide behind
that cowardice, to be used at a later time
cause the risk of getting burned by your own shallowness
was fear enough for your heart to re-route your mind’s eye

from seeing that
rough-edged pages might have lines confessing
powerlessness, or
temporary vulnerability doesn't equal affectionless-ness
and previous scars don’t predicate my consequences
to how you behave but they merely adjust my lenses

so I might see a tattered sheet, not judging by the cover
but reading in between
the lines and confessions - blueprinting good intentions
that no matter how seemingly obtuse
pave a road through hell, not to

so despite the flaws, tears, and hell fires
risks of heartbreaks, walls tumbled, kind liars
weeping endures a night but joy cometh in the morn’
like out of a clear mind learnt from heart-tattered-flaws,
lovers that walk through - beside you - are born

no beauty without sacrifice
but this will be hard for your eyes to behold

since you probably can’t read this
still healing from paper cuts behind
walls erected as consequences of mis-thoughts
mistrusts
running on egg shells to or from what
you know not
not knowing what you want, blind to the love you got and what it is

so... you probable won’t read this.

Affect and Influence (Last Confessions)

Sep.30.09

There exists, in the fluidity of collected subconscious, a measure of synchronicity and patterning that comprises the very flow of conscious thought. That which entails our reality is affectable - plastic to the extent our neural networks are. Recently, days have passed seemingly as webs reminding that:
new beginnings do not exist without new endings.
real can not truly be understood in the absence of fake.
God is inescapably present to us, not just that we are present to God.


It is important to notice the patterns occuring dring transistional seasons.

- The posturing that traps one in cyclic perceptions of reality is the very same posture one seeks comfort in to preserve self-identities (especially those identities incongruent with reality).

- God finds us and is never absent from us. This becomes known to us when we're ready to look. Remember when you love say not "God is in my heart" but rather "I am in the heart of God".

- Many ideas that can be extrapolated to dichotomic extremes in theory are useful to help understand, but possibly dangerous to apply - life is process, and is more dynamic, changing, influential and influenced than can be found in the "black half" or "white half" of any duality.

- Nurturance - maternity - security seeking - lonliness avoiding - affection hunger - sympathy and care are all constants of a Servant's personhood... Denying that these exist in oneself, or denying that accepting this embeds a deeper humility that allows one to serve God, can be dangerous and futile.

- The shift from an active observer of one's own life to the active participation/interaction with life itself entitles one to a great power & results from conscious effort for progress... thus this also entails and no less requires great responsibility.

- A Believer, in their very service of believing, volunteers a level of participation that empowers, enlightens, and influences. For a Servant to serve (and indeed be of service) he must be empowered, enlightened, and influential.

- Mind the company you keep - do not be quick to presume that the very reason of your relationship is knowable in the present or that knowing it is ever meant to be... Mind what you say out of love to those in your company - the selfish satisfaction of being the best you can be at every oppourtunity for honesty may not result in the effects you intend, and can be recieved as opposite to whatever goodness you might've intended.

Be big enough a person to be:
Silent until you know HOW you're being heard.
Absent until you understand the extent your presence affects.
Humble so that those who have something you can learn from can have the chance to teach it to you.
Honest to yourself, about yourself, unconditionally.